Understanding How to Build Better Relationships

Poor relationships have serious long-term health consequences, and that a direct link exists between good relationships & good health.

Unhappy relationships whether it’s at work or at home increases a persons chances of getting sick and shortens their life span by an average of four years. Thinking about the quality and nature of our relationships is important. It is important that you surround yourself with people you like and benefit from.

Only by understanding yourself can you begin to understand others. It is not necessarily easy to do but as you begin to understand yourself and others it helps in building happier and peaceful relationships.

Understanding Others is the Key to Better Relationships

It can be even harder to understand other people but this is very helpful in building better relationships, getting on better with other employees and your employer (boss). The great advantage is it is very helpful in building great relationships with spouse, family children, grandchildren.

Understanding the four personalities types

People could be classified into four different ‘types’ based on the balance of their essential bodily fluids, or what he called their ‘humors’ (blood, phlegm, ‘black’ bile, and yellow bile).
According to a person’s body-fluid imbalance and way of behaving, he categorized each person as :
Air (‘Sanguine’)
Water (‘Phlegmatic’)
Wind (‘Melancholic’)
Fire (‘Choleric’)

It’s very important to understand that these four personality types are not like star signs, or any other fixed idea of self, these are traits or qualities that are mixed in different ways in each and every one of us, with an infinite number of variants. Although each of us are totally unique and mix different combinations of these types, as a rule we have one dominant personality type that characterises us most accurately.


Choleric’s are referred to as the Worker. Dominant in personality they desire control, and are best at jobs that require quick decisions. Choleric’s excel in roles that need instant attention and accomplishments eg, In areas that demand strong control and authority.


Sanguine’s are referred to as the Talker’s: Expressive in personality’s they desire influence, best at being enthusiastic with people In expressing thoughts with excitement, In up front positions of attention.


Melancholy’s are referred to as the thinker’s: Analytical personality’s that desire caution & restraint, best at attending to details and in deep thinking, In keeping records charts and graphs, In analysing problems too difficult for others.


Phlegmatic’s are referred to as the Watcher: Best in positions of unity and mediation, solid in personality’s that desire steadiness.
Communication tools within the four personalities have no exact formulas.

Facts and figures to appeal to the Choleric and Melancholy

Choleric Communication

A Choleric communication is focused on the outcome, a Choleric’s major concern is achieving goals and ticking items off their to-do list, it’s NOT perfection.

Communication with a Choleric is about getting things done and achieving results; they like to focus on the task at hand as they naturally want at least some sense of power and control. Tasks where they can get recognition will also appeal to their need of attention.

Sanguine Communication

A Sanguine is by nature a very expressive person, they will communicate by telling stories about someone or something, generally in detail. When dealing with a Sanguine put yourself in their shoes – speak expressively and focus on how it relates to them.

Communication with a Sanguine is about allowing them to be in the spotlight/centre of attention, they like to focus on themselves and their group be it social or work they naturally want to tell you what happened last week. Tasks that are chatty and people orientated will also appeal to their need for popularity.

Melancholy Communication

A Melancholy communication is focused on the facts and figures, always analysing & assessing everything. It’s important to remember when dealing with a melancholy, to focus on the facts and outcomes, focusing on the good in people and situations.
Communication with a Melancholy is about the detail and being right, they naturally like to focus on the task sometimes appearing shy or introverted. Tasks that are detailed and specific will also appeal to their need for exactness and efficiency.

Phlegmatic Communication

A Phlegmatic normally doesn’t show their feelings openly which makes them more difficult to communicate with. It’s typical of a Phlegmatic to say nothing, to keep the peace and stay out of trouble.
Communication with a Phlegmatic is all about team work and being accepted by the group, they like to focus on people and how it effects them they naturally want appreciation and sincerity. Tasks that are people oriented will also appeal to their need to be liked.

Seven Keys in Building Better Relationships

According to psychologists, we spend an average of 77 percent of our waking hours with other individuals, even when we are not in the presence of other people, we spend a large portion of our time thinking, wondering about them, and dreaming about them.

Relationships affect every area of life it’s for this reason, that taking the time to understand our relationships is so very important.

Seven Things to do to help build better relationships:

1. Commitment.
This is where you make a choice to stand beside your loved ones no matter what.
Be totally committed to your partners.
Respect other’s opinions and feelings
Everyone needs to be appreciated and cherished.
Always be uplifting in what you say about people around you.

2. Listening.
I personally found this to be hard; I have to continually work hard on this one. Listening is a skill that has to be learned and practiced.

3. Communicate well.
We all have problems communicating, it isn’t easy but well worth working on. Sadly we aren’t taught how to communicate. We all have to work hard at this. When you say something make sure the other person understood what you said. With important issues ask the other person to tell you what their understanding is of the discussion.
Misunderstanding’s is a big problem in life’s major relationships.

4. Understanding
If you are not happy with the outcomes of your relationship, then the best thing to do is to change your behavior that is causing problems in the relationship. Don’t worry about what the other person needs to change, just do what you need to change. Plan and rehearse the new behavior you want to have. Become the change you want to see. Live in an understanding way. Take the time to learn the skills in understanding other people.

5. Truth
Always be totally truthful and honest with people around you.The truth always wins. Lies always end in disaster. Honesty is the best glue or cement in a relationship.

6.Habits that rule our lives.

We all find ourselves continuing to practice unhelpful habits and behaviors because we can i.e.; no one tells us not to, or if they do, they don’t really back it up with immediate consequences.

How to change poor habits.

Identify four things you regularly do because you can get away with it. How often you do it, and record it over the next 2-3 weeks.

  • Being too busy to listen properly to others.
  • Eating or drinking what you are trying to avoid.
  • Rushing because you don’t allow enough time.
  • Always checking emails or cell phone in conversations.

Keep a daily log for two or three weeks to discuss with your coach or friend, someone you trust. It is amazing what can be learned from the information you’ve recorded.

May you enjoy a lifetime of happiness, peace and joy together, and be blessed in every area of your lives.